Woody Allen

Woody Allen Quotes and Sayings

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. ~Woody Allen

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? ~Woody Allen

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? ~Woody Allen

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. ~Woody Allen

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. ~Woody Allen

I am at two with nature. ~Woody Allen

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? ~Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. ~Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. ~Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? ~Woody Allen

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. ~Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. ~Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. ~Woody Allen

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. ~Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. ~Woody Allen

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. ~Woody Allen

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. ~Woody Allen

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. ~Woody Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. ~Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up. ~Woody Allen

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. ~Woody Allen

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. ~Woody Allen

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. ~Woody Allen

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. ~Woody Allen

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. ~Woody Allen