California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange. ~Fred Allen
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. ~Fred Allen
Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. ~Fred Allen
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. ~Fred Allen
[Television is] the triumph of machine over people. ~Fred Allen
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen
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